One big way we mess our kids up

“We’ve spent lifetimes thinking about our problems, but so little time actually shining the light of awareness on what is actually happening.” – Joey Lott

In my opinion and from what I have learned, one big way people can and do mess their kids up, is by not being aware of and integrating their own shadow parts of themselves (unwanted & rejected parts of self) and then they can project whatever issue they might have, big or small onto their kids, and the kids grow up and do the same to their kids and it perpetuates.

All is not lost though, because at any time, anyone can do this inner work, although hard, it’s possible. And we can undo our conditioning and integrate our shadow parts, not only for the wellbeing of kids, but for the wellbeing of ourselves and every single person we have relationships with/interact with.

We don’t have to do anything, we can do what we want, but if people are suffering, I believe this is important work.

Carl Jung’s, Jordan Peterson’s and Joey Lott’s work on this is a God send.

For anyone suffering with problems for a long time that they have never found a way to fix them; problems like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, addiction, obsessions etc. Joey Lott has an incredible online course that I can personally vouch for, that you can check out here. (Hopefully it’s still open to join, if not you can sign up to his email and receive updates of when it will next be open) Obviously this isn’t the only way, and there’s lots of good help out there. But this is one that I have found to be very effective and really get to the root of my problems.

How I landed in depression by ignoring all the warning signs.

There were at least four warning signs in my life, that unbeknownst to me, were signalling depression on the horizon. If only I could have stopped to reflect on how I was feeling at the time, and sought help before things got really bad. But I didn’t listen to how I was feeling at all, and I didn’t slow down.

This lead to a breakdown/quarter life crisis, meltdowns, chronic back pain, an anxiety disorder, burn out and finally depression. It’s ironic – I never listened to how I felt and now I’ve lost the ability to feel.

For me, I believe this is how it went down:

Warning sign 1: Stress > Warning sign 2: Chronic stress > Warning sign 3: Anxiety > Warning sign 4: Burnout > Last stop: Depression

If you can relate to any of these, I don’t need to tell you the awful effects any of them have on your mental & physical health, wellbeing, relationships, work and life in general.

I’ve learnt lots about myself going through all these things, but I don’t want anyone else to end up with depression if I can help it. So i’m writing this blog post in the hopes I can help you or someone you know, become aware of the warning signs you have, and to seek help, before things get worse.

I think that with either chronic stress, an anxiety disorder, burnout or depression: your brain is maybe telling you that something seriously needs to change in your life-style, situation, or thinking habits. Maybe you’ve been strong for too long.

For me, my life wasn’t balanced at all. I placed no value on healing, play or rest. It was like 24/7 work/achievement/productivity for most of my life. And my thinking habits were unhealthy and unhelpful. I would constantly over-analyse and over-think. My personality was always a worrier, conscientious, highly sensitive, introvert, deep thinker, strong sense of responsibility, inability to set limits, excessively ambitious, high standards and a perfectionist, with a real compulsion to achieve my high standards and goals.

All of those attributes combined, make an outcome like burnout and depression seem pretty predictable, in hindsight.

You can arrive at depression from many different routes, (trauma, genetics, social or environmental factors). For me, it started with simple stress, (and my innate inability to cope with it).

I believe if I noticed and dealt with any of the warning signs, I could have avoided depression. So watch out for those signs of yours! Best of luck on your journey.

In summary:

– Listen and pay attention to how you feel
– Be aware of your personal limits
– Schedule time to relax and play
– Identify warning signs
– Identify causes
– Identify triggers
– Talk to someone, especially GP
– Minimise triggers

By Annie Charnley.

#DepressionAwareness


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Acceptance = liberation

Sorry there’s been a lack of fuel from me recently, but now I’ve quit my job I’ll have more time to dedicate to this blog that I love so much!


“If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have 3 options: 1. Remove yourself from the situation, 2. Change it or 3. Accept it totally.” – Michael Singer

I often read/hear that practicing gratitude will put you in good stead for a healthy wellbeing and state of mind.

I’ve tried to do this many times. I think about what I’m grateful for and write it down, and, at the time, I don’t necessarily feel happier for doing so. But, I have felt grateful out of nowhere before; so practicing can only be a good thing. On days that I’m really, really low, when I have no motivation or energy, and where anything but sleeping is too much effort, I find it really hard to practice gratitude.

I realised that maybe it might help me to practice acceptance first: acceptance of my current situation, personality, life, problems, pain and feelings, acceptance of my depression, that I feel like shit right now, that my back is in pain and has been for 5 years, acceptance of the fact I have no motivation or inspiration right now.

I first realised the power of acceptance when shivering in the cold, waiting for the bus. I thought ‘just accept the cold, accept it….it’s okay go on, accept it’, then all of a sudden, I released my fight against the cold and I relaxed and felt a bit warmer for a while. So I’m trying to practice that with more aspects of my life.

I have a constant inner conflict inside that takes a lot of energy, which means I end up unhappy and distracted a lot of the time. In fighting my pain and suffering I’m trying to control one part of myself with another part. I want to feel happy and get rid of these bad feelings, and if fighting it doesn’t work (which it never does) I want to run away and escape myself entirely.

But in rejecting/bullying myself this way, it’s like saying to myself: “Stop feeling down, be happy for god’s sake, what’s wrong with you? There’s no reason you should feel depressed, I wish I wasn’t you and I was someone else, someone happier, I wish I had someone else’s life, not this one.”

If I accept my low feelings, stop fighting them and berating myself, accept that I’m the product of my genes and upbringing, and that I can’t help being depressed, I let go of the grip my mind has on itself and life becomes easier to deal with. I feel more compassion for myself, and feel more liberated and validated.

I think to some people, acceptance seems like giving up, giving in, and the other person or situation has won. But if it’s something you can literally do nothing about, and not accepting it causes you more pain, then maybe accepting it would be a healthier/happier choice for you.

Things to practice fuelling your mind with (easier when you have the mental energy to do it):

Mindfulness (Be mindful of unhelpful thinking styles – more on that in another post).
Acceptance (When you feel down or upset instead of feeling bad and fighting the feeling, try accepting that you feel low, allow yourself space and time to feel how you feel, validate yourself, it’s okay to feel shit right now. If that’s too hard, first try to accept the cold and see if you feel warmer even for a few seconds).
Gratitude (Trying to notice people and things in your life that you’re grateful for regularly, even the smallest of things).

I would love to know if this helps anyone else, try it out and let me know? You can email me at mindfuelstuff@gmail.com


I hope this had some value to you, and your mind is more full of meaningful, thought-provoking stuff. If you did enjoy it, help me out and share it so other people can benefit/enjoy it too. Thanks.

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Drugged up zombie or pretty much cured for life?

Depressed people’s brains are overactive in certain areas. As Laci Green puts it: “They’re ruminating on their own inadequacy and worthlessness to an obsessive point. This over activity is an illness that actually removes people from reality and the research suggests that magic mushrooms block this obsessive activity. People that took part in the mushroom test felt much happier in the weeks after taking the shrooms.”

Some interesting studies seem to show promise in treating certain psychological problems with various currently illegal drugs. MDMA as treatment for PTSD (http://www.maps.org/conference/ps13mithoefer/), Psilocybin (magic mushrooms) for depression, LSD for anxiety (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYFLWJ_Lwss&list=PL6uC-XGZC7X5cBSTMpx5koKmwWvHlu9Qe) and Cannabis for anxiety, depression and even bi-polar disorder (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYFLWJ_Lwss&list=PL6uC-XGZC7X5cBSTMpx5koKmwWvHlu9Qe).

When you hear scientists talk about latest drug studies, it’s mostly about what the chemicals do to certain parts of your brain and what that means, but never how the person taking it actually feels. Did they have a profound realisation whilst high because the cloudy pain of judgement was released, giving them clarity on a problem? Is that why it’s good for depressed types? Because it allows them the freedom to assess life and themselves quite objectively? I doubt just having good feelings and obsessive mind activities blocked for a period of time would create lasting changes after the drug has worn off.

I find it unbelievable that the humans that claim power over other humans get to decide which things we can use, even though they have been growing on the earth for hundreds or thousands of years. And I can’t believe that they would deny anyone with mental health issues or just a curiosity about life and themselves; treatment that could possibly do far more for them than any pharmaceutical medication could ever do.

We need more clinical trials and less ‘red tape’ to find out the possible break-through this drug might have on such long term hard-to-treat disorders such as depression.

Dammit government – let us fix people and make them happy again, without being drugged up zombies on pharmaceuticals for the rest of their lives! Let’s actually cure their issues long term!

“My brain is a computer, it will always run, because that’s what it’s designed to do.” – Giancarlo Esposito

It’s taken me a couple of years to come round to the idea of meditation and to see the benefits it will bring my life. I first had to experience a positive reaction and once I had that, there was no going back.

Apparently meditating 30 minutes everyday over a long period of time has been shown to lower stress, anxiety, depression, improved compassion and immune system and helps you sleep and even age better.

It is the act of quieting your mind chatter and just existing and being for a while, there’s no break truer than this. For me personally I’ve felt benefit in getting to sleep easier because of disconnecting with hundreds of thoughts, work better with lowered stress levels, and even to notice things in the moment more.

Buddha was asked: “What have you gained from Meditation?” He replied: “Nothing.” “However, let me tell you what I lost : Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Insecurity, Fear of Old Age and Death.”

So if you get really into it, you can really take a look deep inside yourself and look at your problems in a new light.

For anyone interested in what it is and how to do it, here’s a quick 5 minute demo session:  http://presidemeditation.com/preside-meditation-introduction-onroll/

And if you want some more, I’ve found this to be an excellent app: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/buddhify-2/id687421118?mt=8 and this website too: https://www.headspace.com/